Younger husband, older wife
I am a married man. When we married, my wife was twice my age. This is not the beginning of some obscure puzzle - I was 26 and she was 52. We had been more than dating for two-three years before we married and we are an established couple. I would call us social and we arrange at least one party every other month, sometimes more. This month we have had one glögg party and we will be arranging a New Year's celebration in our home. Most of our friends are between our two ages, in the 30-to-45 range.
Why do I bring our social sphere into this? Perhaps I want to point out that we are entirely normal and not some freak coupling living on the outskirts of normalcy, bordered by queer and anormal relations. Hell, I sometimes wish we had queerer friends than this, but I shall not complain about our choices in friends. We love you all, friends, do not change a bit unless you want to.
Nor do we strain in any attempt to "become" normal. This is how we are; this is how we want to be. When we are not arranging parties, my wife works and I tend the home. I wash the dishes, I do the cleaning, I buy groceries. Unemployment in Sweden is extremely high, and we cannot really survive on one salary alone, nor do we try. I work as a freelance technology writer from time to time and I am politically active in the national (classic) Liberal party and a few feminist organizations. No, I am not female, I am just a classic liberal (US: Libertarian). Apart from that, I live on savings from my short carreer as a computer game developer in level design.
My wife and I both enjoy playing computer games, though not together. We have tried, on several occasions and with several games. Civilization IV worked reasonably well because it plays much the same in single- and multiplayer, but in most other games our playing styles are different enough that it annoys us. My wife thinks I run ahead too much, while I like to "check the perimeter" or say "I am the close-quarters fighter in this party". It is not important why we cannot play together, and we are satisfied with playing side by side.
We enjoy movies - at home or in theatres - and walks throughout town - the commercial districts, anyway. She does not drag me unwilling into any shoe stores (unless we need new shoes) and I do not drag her unwilling into any department-store-sized tool shops (unless we need new toys). Computer equipment stores we both call "toy stores" and when we get back home with our shoes, tools and CD burners we always drink lots of tea. Lots of it.
Do we sound normal enough for you, or queer enough?
My wife found me, and I noticed her. She contacted me, I recieved her. She was interested before I was, but I was interested back. I quickly fell into love with her, and already on our first meeting I felt that there was something ahead of us. I did not know what it was, but it was solid enough that I remember speaking with distant friends about it. But my questions to myself and others revealed no reason for me not to go ahead with our relationship. I am enough of an iconoclast to pay social dogma no heed if it makes no sense to me.
Our only barrier is children. I want them, she does not. To be specific, she has already had children and does not want any more. Besides, she is post-menopausal and we do not have to worry about any "accidental" pregnancies any more, which is a relief. Also, neither one of us is interested in adoption. Again we are saved by our disregard for social conventions: My wife insists that I have children some day, with some other woman that I love. I see the logic in this, but I cannot see how I could possibly find another woman to love. Alternately we could find a lesbian couple in need of a male fenotype and donate one, if they would accept that I take active part in the rearing of the child.
What I desire is really a child of mine. I am the eldest of six children and I was raised in the company of all these younger siblings. In many cases, I did the raising as much as my parents did, and it left in me a yearning to be a father too. I can wait, though.
I mean no disrespect toward those who favor adoption, or who are adopted themselves. I want you to find children to love, and I want you adopted children to live with parents who love you, as I would love my child. So in return, I ask that you do not take offense that I do not want to adopt. This is not about you, it is about me.
It is yet early in our future life together, and there are many years ahead of us. There is time yet, and happiness.
/ Per
Why do I bring our social sphere into this? Perhaps I want to point out that we are entirely normal and not some freak coupling living on the outskirts of normalcy, bordered by queer and anormal relations. Hell, I sometimes wish we had queerer friends than this, but I shall not complain about our choices in friends. We love you all, friends, do not change a bit unless you want to.
Nor do we strain in any attempt to "become" normal. This is how we are; this is how we want to be. When we are not arranging parties, my wife works and I tend the home. I wash the dishes, I do the cleaning, I buy groceries. Unemployment in Sweden is extremely high, and we cannot really survive on one salary alone, nor do we try. I work as a freelance technology writer from time to time and I am politically active in the national (classic) Liberal party and a few feminist organizations. No, I am not female, I am just a classic liberal (US: Libertarian). Apart from that, I live on savings from my short carreer as a computer game developer in level design.
My wife and I both enjoy playing computer games, though not together. We have tried, on several occasions and with several games. Civilization IV worked reasonably well because it plays much the same in single- and multiplayer, but in most other games our playing styles are different enough that it annoys us. My wife thinks I run ahead too much, while I like to "check the perimeter" or say "I am the close-quarters fighter in this party". It is not important why we cannot play together, and we are satisfied with playing side by side.
We enjoy movies - at home or in theatres - and walks throughout town - the commercial districts, anyway. She does not drag me unwilling into any shoe stores (unless we need new shoes) and I do not drag her unwilling into any department-store-sized tool shops (unless we need new toys). Computer equipment stores we both call "toy stores" and when we get back home with our shoes, tools and CD burners we always drink lots of tea. Lots of it.
Do we sound normal enough for you, or queer enough?
My wife found me, and I noticed her. She contacted me, I recieved her. She was interested before I was, but I was interested back. I quickly fell into love with her, and already on our first meeting I felt that there was something ahead of us. I did not know what it was, but it was solid enough that I remember speaking with distant friends about it. But my questions to myself and others revealed no reason for me not to go ahead with our relationship. I am enough of an iconoclast to pay social dogma no heed if it makes no sense to me.
Our only barrier is children. I want them, she does not. To be specific, she has already had children and does not want any more. Besides, she is post-menopausal and we do not have to worry about any "accidental" pregnancies any more, which is a relief. Also, neither one of us is interested in adoption. Again we are saved by our disregard for social conventions: My wife insists that I have children some day, with some other woman that I love. I see the logic in this, but I cannot see how I could possibly find another woman to love. Alternately we could find a lesbian couple in need of a male fenotype and donate one, if they would accept that I take active part in the rearing of the child.
What I desire is really a child of mine. I am the eldest of six children and I was raised in the company of all these younger siblings. In many cases, I did the raising as much as my parents did, and it left in me a yearning to be a father too. I can wait, though.
I mean no disrespect toward those who favor adoption, or who are adopted themselves. I want you to find children to love, and I want you adopted children to live with parents who love you, as I would love my child. So in return, I ask that you do not take offense that I do not want to adopt. This is not about you, it is about me.
It is yet early in our future life together, and there are many years ahead of us. There is time yet, and happiness.
/ Per
posted by Per Edman | 07:34
2 Comments:
My husband is 12 years younger and we have been together for 19 years. Just recently, I discovered his infidelity since 3 years ago as I was shocked that realy goes with the stats. Our sex drive as I age is different and I can no longer satisfy him so he seeks to fulfill this from other younger woman. He said he still in love with me and wanted to save the marriage but I am skeptical.. As I age further and perhaps in a few more years while he is still young, he will sway again...I am thinking the natural make of an union is older husband and younger wife has a lot of truth in it....posted by one lost soul :-(
This is partially in response to a comment by "Anonymous" that I have allowed but can't see published yet.
It's been seven years since our last post and we're still married. Aside from how other people may view us, I do not believe there are any major differences between our relationship and that of others. We love each other and want to be together, so we are. It really doesn't have to be more complicated than that.
As for sex drive, that's a crap reason for infidelity. You're best friends. You can always talk. And if that fails, there's always masturbation. You don't owe each other anything, you love each other, and love doesn't demand sex.
When there's something special about a relationship, something out of the ordinary, it's easy to blame all problems on that one different thing. But let's face it, problems aren't unique to unique relationships. People of the same age, same skin tone, same religion and same political views, still cheat on each other, still hurt one another, still act egotistical or push guilt on one another. That's not unique to relationships with age differences at all. That happens. And not one single person of us has the massive experience to be able to say anything with statistical certainty about a particular type of relationship, because we haven't been there. And I, for one, don't intend to find out any time soon.
/ Per
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